The Biggest Culture Shocks Are Not the Ones You Expect

Why learning the local language is one of the best gifts you can give yourself before moving abroad.

I have just come back from two wonderful weeks in the United States with my family. We spent our holidays in the Northeast, between Pennsylvania, New York and Washington. A broad region I already knew quite well. In fact, it was my fifth trip there (I even family living there, which helps). And you may ask yourself: are there still surprises to be made after 4 previous trips? Well, yes, there are. More than you would think!

Two weeks in the United States reminded me of something I had completely forgotten about living abroad.

No matter how prepared you are, you can be sure you will be surprised.

First of all, travelling with children as I did during my 2-weeks trip in the USA changed a lot how I looked at little things. Because they notice details that adults stopped paying attention to. And because they notice them, you end up seeing them too. It was really like discovering a country for the first time all over again.

The first surprise? Haha. The toilet flush.

I know. This is probably not the beginning you expected from a French teacher... But well, it was a surprise. In France, the water rises before it disappears. In the United States, it seems to do exactly the opposite. My children found this absolutely fascinating. Every visit to the bathroom became a scientific experiment! True story!

Then came… the toilet paper. Tadam! (Again, I know…) American toilet paper is unbelievably soft. So soft, in fact, that we genuinely brought a few rolls home in our suitcases. Yes, really. I never imagined toilet paper would deserve a paragraph in one of my blog articles, yet here we are.

Other things surprised us for different reasons. Disposable plates and cups seemed to be everywhere, even at breakfast in a hotel. As Europeans, we've become so used to washing and reusing things that this caught our attention immediately. You will never see disposable plates in a hotel. Even in MacDonalds in France, there are no longer disposable plates and cups. This felt very weird to us.

At playgrounds, I noticed an interesting cultural difference. Many American parents were playing with their children the whole time. Meanwhile, when I take my own children to the park, I usually have a completely different objective: I sit on a bench for ten peaceful minutes while they run around without asking me for a snack every thirty seconds. They are free, I am free, everyone is happy. But I liked how American parents showed a different aspect, oriented towards quality time together.

Family meals also felt different. I expected that and was not so surprised about it. But my husband was quite puzzled, even though he was mentally prepared for a difference there, and even though we were in my family (who is half-French half-American). Because the whole sociology of meals is trully different: the meal times, how people understand the idea of eating together. Taking turns serving ourselves in the kitchen, for example, was quite an experience!

If you're wondering why I'm telling you all this, don't worry: there is a point. Actually, there are several.

The hardest part of moving abroad isn't always what you imagined

Before leaving for another country, we prepare ourselves for the big changes. Different customs. Different food. A different healthcare system. A different way of working. And, of course, a different language. We expect all of those things. We read articles, watch YouTube videos, ask questions in Facebook groups and imagine ourselves living this new life. Our brains are already getting ready.

What we don't prepare for are the hundreds of tiny moments that nobody mentions (and expects). These hundreds of tiny moments that seem insignificant, but which, each adding to the element of surprise, contribute in creating a sense of being in a different world (which is positive) and, often, culture shock (which can be more challenging).

Whether you should clear your own plate or not. How to answer to the supermarket cashier when they say “hello” or to the waiter when they say "bon appétit". Whether you should start eating as soon as you get your order or not. Why don't they bring you the check at a restaurant? How can you leave a store without buying anything but still be polite? Why doesn't anyone drink before making a toast, even in a relaxed setting at a friend's house? What do you mean, you put the bread right on the table?! Why does a dinner among French people always end with people fighting (and why, in reality, do they actually get along)?

These first times, when you wonder whether everyone else understands a social rule that somehow escaped you, are puzzling. And their accumulation become exhausting. This is what we call culture shock.

And if you're reading this because you're planning to move to France—or perhaps you've already arrived—I suspect you'll experience exactly the same thing. Not necessarily with toilet paper (although French toilet paper has its own personality...). But with dozens of everyday situations you never even thought about before boarding the plane. That's what I had forgotten - even though I already knew the United States quite well, was there for only 2 weeks, and stayed with my Franco-American family. Not so much of a culture shock, but a nice reminder of how culure shock happens.

Honestly, I think that's a useful feeling to remember. It helps me understand much better what many of my own students experience when they arrive in France.

This is why learning the language matters

When people ask me why they should learn French before moving in France, grammar is rarely the first reason that comes to my mind.

Life is going to surprise you. You'll have a lot (A LOT) of new things to process every single day. You'll feel like a child who doesn't quite understand the ins and outs of everyday life, but who has to go along with it because that's just how things are done here.

You cannot prepare yourself for every cultural difference. And to be honest, I wouldn't even want to. Some of the most unexpected discoveries become the best memories. Years later, I'm sure my children won't remember every museum we visited. They will, however, remember the famous American toilet flush. Hahaha. 😂

Language, on the other hand, is something you can prepare. And that you must prepare!

Every word you learn before arriving is one less source of uncertainty. Every conversation you understand is one less moment spent wondering what is happening around you. Every cultural explanation gives you one more key to understanding the country you've chosen to call home.

Learning French won't prevent culture shock, it won't keep you from experiencing surprises. But it will make room for something much nicer: curiosity. Instead of spending your energy decoding every situation, you'll have more intellectual space to enjoy them. And I think that's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself before an expatriation, don't you agree?

Planning to move to France? Let's prepare together.

Learning French isn't just about verbs, grammar or pronunciation. It's also about understanding everyday life like how school works and how food is part of the social system, the little cultural habits nobody writes in guidebooks, and the thousands of details that help you feel at home more quickly. If that's exactly what you're looking for, I'd love to help you prepare for your new life in France. You can discover my online French courses for expatriates here: https://clemenceparis.fr

Also, to help you on your Expat journey:

• Check out Struggling to Speak French? Here’s Why (and What to Do About It) for practical tips on speaking French confidently.

• Discover how French people make friends so that you can also make your own community in your new place

• Don’t forget to download my free vocabulary list of 1,500 useful French words here: 1500 Useful Words in French – Free Download.

• Read my students' reviews here!

Clémence PARIS

Langue et communication

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